Commentary: Hiding Herpes Status From Your Lover - Essence.com
Excerpt from essence.com
Just like with HIV, you must do more than ask a man you're planning to have sex with about his status, especially since 80% of the people who are infected don't know. You must make him get tested. If presented with the option of no sex or getting tested, any halfway sane man will opt for the inconvenience. And if he doesn't want to get tested, stay away while you wonder what he knows he has or what he's afraid to find out about. You've got a significant enough chance of avoiding HIV if you use a condom... but with herpes? Not so much. It can spread through skin-to-skin contact, even when your partner doesn't have an outbreak through a process called "shedding." So you must ask your partner to get tested specifically for herpes since it's not included on the general STI test.
Read more:Commentary: Hiding Herpes Status From Your Lover - Essence.com
Showing posts with label Young Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Young Women. Show all posts
Ladies: "Doing You":: what number are you on?
“Do you” or “Doing me”- Who coined that term? Be careful what you put out there. For what I heard or from past experiences I believe it means lack of commitment. In other terms, no strings attached, self-fulfillment, and being independent but in a sexual manner. Correct me if I am wrong, but that usually how I hear it. As a matter of fact, I heard today. It went like something like this, “Girl do not get married at 18. Before you do all that, do you first”. This was said to a 15 year-old girl. Wow! I thought. Here I am, trying to clear it up. Can we really do us? Can we really sleep with several partners? I know the world isn’t fair and men can do it blah, blah, blah. But, would you really want to? One woman read a passage to me that said “women are like sockets, be careful who you let plug it you.” The best thing I have heard.
I wanted to let my young females know that is it perfectly okay to be pure. When I say pure, I’m not saying a complete virgin. I mean anyone who is a virgin I strongly commend you to stay that way until marriage. But, lets keep it real, in this day and time there are few unless they are 11 and under. Just because you have lost your virginity does not mean you cannot wait on the next special partner especially if you have not found that “one”. It does not mean you cannot wait until you are married.
Think about it 10 minutes of satisfaction could lead to an STD, HIV/AIDs, pregnancy, a broken heart, rumors etc. It scares me because a lot of young females are inexperience and are not aware of their own bodies. Basically, at the end, we are not getting any pleasure at all. So, what’s your point? Do you want to feel loved? Do you want to feel closeness? Does sex constitutes love? Does sex make a man fall deeper in love with you? If you don’t have sex with him, will he leave you?
I am asking the question, but now in the same breath I will answer them. Here are your answers:
No you cannot as a woman have multiple sex partners. True you can do whatever you want, but it wouldn’t be wise especially at this day and time. If you know someone personally and they told you that its okay based on their past experiences. Ask them: how they ever had an STD? Ever had an unwanted pregnancy? Sit back and look at their life. Are there any success stories from what they have experienced? If there are, which I highly doubt, will your life turn out the same? Be careful whom you envy. Be you. All these different men that you are sleeping cannot possibly be “husband material”. Do you plan to spend the rest of your life with each of them? At the end of the day, is it worth it?
If you want to feel loved. Love Yourself First. No one can possibly love you more than you. If you don’t love yourself, there is no reason for you to to love another. I’m not talking about family. Some things are unconditional. Don’t look for someone to give you happiness. Trust me, if you love yourself there will be fewer things that you will tolerate. You definitely would not settle for 10 minutes or maybe less of senseless sex. Find out what makes you happy. Don’t put your life on hold for this new thing called “love”. If it is right it will come natural.
If you want to feel closeness, get to know a person. I find some ladies have sex with guys and do not even know his middle name. If you were to have an unexpected child by this guy, you could not even name his son a junior. Ask simple question like, What is your favorite color? What’s your mother’s name? What was life like in your childhood? What’s your favorite food? Do you know what makes him laugh? What ticks him them off? What type of family does he come from? Can he dance? He is right handed of left? Does he want to have children? You get my point.
Sex doesn’t constitute love. A person can be in love with you and never touched you sexually. A person can have sex with you, but don’t love you. This guy said, “I don’t have to have sex with a person to be emotionally attached to that person”.
Sex can make your relationship deeper, but don’t use sex to get to that point. If your relationship is failing, having sex just to make it better is not going to help. It might mend it for a while, but think about once the sex is over. What’s going to happen? If he is not emotionally attached then you might just become his sex buddy. If you are someone’s sex buddy, snap out of it. Don’t believe he loves you because he comes to scoop you for sex.
How do you know if you are a just a sex buddy:
If you can’t reach him after certain times
If you call and he doesn’t answer
If you do not go on dates
If you are in need, but you cannot call on him
If he does not know hardly anything about you
If you hardly know anything about him
If you have met anyone in his family, preferably his mother or father.
I can go on. No one needs to tell you. You should know. Wake up!!
If you don’t have sex with him, he may leave. So! Don’t let that bother you. If he leaves quickly, rather now, then when something really serious comes up. Trust me, he wasn’t worth it in the beginning if he is unable to stick around. You should be able to walk away with your head high. No need for him to become another sex partner. Love you. Be you. You will find love when it is right for you.
I wanted to let my young females know that is it perfectly okay to be pure. When I say pure, I’m not saying a complete virgin. I mean anyone who is a virgin I strongly commend you to stay that way until marriage. But, lets keep it real, in this day and time there are few unless they are 11 and under. Just because you have lost your virginity does not mean you cannot wait on the next special partner especially if you have not found that “one”. It does not mean you cannot wait until you are married.
Think about it 10 minutes of satisfaction could lead to an STD, HIV/AIDs, pregnancy, a broken heart, rumors etc. It scares me because a lot of young females are inexperience and are not aware of their own bodies. Basically, at the end, we are not getting any pleasure at all. So, what’s your point? Do you want to feel loved? Do you want to feel closeness? Does sex constitutes love? Does sex make a man fall deeper in love with you? If you don’t have sex with him, will he leave you?
I am asking the question, but now in the same breath I will answer them. Here are your answers:
No you cannot as a woman have multiple sex partners. True you can do whatever you want, but it wouldn’t be wise especially at this day and time. If you know someone personally and they told you that its okay based on their past experiences. Ask them: how they ever had an STD? Ever had an unwanted pregnancy? Sit back and look at their life. Are there any success stories from what they have experienced? If there are, which I highly doubt, will your life turn out the same? Be careful whom you envy. Be you. All these different men that you are sleeping cannot possibly be “husband material”. Do you plan to spend the rest of your life with each of them? At the end of the day, is it worth it?
If you want to feel loved. Love Yourself First. No one can possibly love you more than you. If you don’t love yourself, there is no reason for you to to love another. I’m not talking about family. Some things are unconditional. Don’t look for someone to give you happiness. Trust me, if you love yourself there will be fewer things that you will tolerate. You definitely would not settle for 10 minutes or maybe less of senseless sex. Find out what makes you happy. Don’t put your life on hold for this new thing called “love”. If it is right it will come natural.
If you want to feel closeness, get to know a person. I find some ladies have sex with guys and do not even know his middle name. If you were to have an unexpected child by this guy, you could not even name his son a junior. Ask simple question like, What is your favorite color? What’s your mother’s name? What was life like in your childhood? What’s your favorite food? Do you know what makes him laugh? What ticks him them off? What type of family does he come from? Can he dance? He is right handed of left? Does he want to have children? You get my point.
Sex doesn’t constitute love. A person can be in love with you and never touched you sexually. A person can have sex with you, but don’t love you. This guy said, “I don’t have to have sex with a person to be emotionally attached to that person”.
Sex can make your relationship deeper, but don’t use sex to get to that point. If your relationship is failing, having sex just to make it better is not going to help. It might mend it for a while, but think about once the sex is over. What’s going to happen? If he is not emotionally attached then you might just become his sex buddy. If you are someone’s sex buddy, snap out of it. Don’t believe he loves you because he comes to scoop you for sex.
How do you know if you are a just a sex buddy:
If you can’t reach him after certain times
If you call and he doesn’t answer
If you do not go on dates
If you are in need, but you cannot call on him
If he does not know hardly anything about you
If you hardly know anything about him
If you have met anyone in his family, preferably his mother or father.
I can go on. No one needs to tell you. You should know. Wake up!!
If you don’t have sex with him, he may leave. So! Don’t let that bother you. If he leaves quickly, rather now, then when something really serious comes up. Trust me, he wasn’t worth it in the beginning if he is unable to stick around. You should be able to walk away with your head high. No need for him to become another sex partner. Love you. Be you. You will find love when it is right for you.
The race has already started….Why are you not at the finish line?
As young women there is a struggle. The world is watching our every move. Often life is based on status, so we do whatever it is to obtain one. No one wants to be broke, suffer or struggle therefore we strive to make a way sometimes out of no way. We all at one point come across an obstacle. Whether it is finishing school, raising a child, keeping and/or obtaining a job. We are all in this together trying to accomplish the same thing. This struggle becomes a competition. Competition is good in some instances because you push the other person to advance. Motivate that other person because she also reaching for number one.
The part that amazes me is we compete secretly. We gossip about her. We withhold personal information because we are afraid that she will judge. We race to do thing first so we can chant “been there done that”. We get in all kinds of debt because we want a bigger house and fancier car. We lie on her and gossip about her to make ourselves feel better.
We are women. She is you.
I have been judge before not by my character but what I have. Just because I am not a mother does not mean I look down on young mothers or women who had children out of wedlock. Just because I haven’t been trouble with the law does not mean I should feel bad about being honest. The way I talk or carry myself shouldn’t be consider conceited but well-mannered.
The theory is this when you see another woman doing well take note of that same behavior and learn the good from it. Model that behavior let her be an example. Hate someone or hating on them takes too much energy and you are doing nothing but draining yourself. Mistakes happen keep moving. The same person that you secretly compete with can help you get to where you need to me. Teach you daughters the same. We have to break this cycle.
LNP… I LOVE YOU ALL MORE BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE LESS
The part that amazes me is we compete secretly. We gossip about her. We withhold personal information because we are afraid that she will judge. We race to do thing first so we can chant “been there done that”. We get in all kinds of debt because we want a bigger house and fancier car. We lie on her and gossip about her to make ourselves feel better.
We are women. She is you.
I have been judge before not by my character but what I have. Just because I am not a mother does not mean I look down on young mothers or women who had children out of wedlock. Just because I haven’t been trouble with the law does not mean I should feel bad about being honest. The way I talk or carry myself shouldn’t be consider conceited but well-mannered.
The theory is this when you see another woman doing well take note of that same behavior and learn the good from it. Model that behavior let her be an example. Hate someone or hating on them takes too much energy and you are doing nothing but draining yourself. Mistakes happen keep moving. The same person that you secretly compete with can help you get to where you need to me. Teach you daughters the same. We have to break this cycle.
LNP… I LOVE YOU ALL MORE BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE LESS
You don’t Love you Lust….Sounds crazy right?
Last Tuesday I attended a meeting initially for substance abuse with the City of Portsmouth Behavioral Health. I was invited by Dee Wright and glad I accepted the invitation. The topic up for discussion was “Healthy Relationships” right up my alley.
We started with this question….
How do you know you love someone?
SACRIFICES
HAVE TO SEE THEM ALL THE TIME
HURTS WHEN YOU BREAK UP
YOU PUT THEM BEFORE YOURSELF
YOU WILL DIE FOR THEM
YOU MISS THEM WHEN YOU HE/SHE LEAVES
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL FEELING
YOU MAY ALTER YOUR LIFE FOR HIM/HER
YOU DITCH YOUR FRIENDS FOR HIM/HER
Of course we mention a handful but these were the only ones I could remember. Feel free to add more in your mind. Read my answers. Now think back. How does being in love relate to substance abuse. Take out love and use drugs. Read my answers again and relate it to someone on drugs. That’s right love is an addiction. That is why is most cases even if you’re in a bad situation it is hard to let go.
From the beginning it is not LOVE but LUST. Let me help you out:
DEVELOPMENT OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP:
1. FALL IN LUST: infatuation, always around each other, can’t get enough, this is where the wine and dine takes place, dates, excitement, you believe that you are in love. Sex may takes place because you have that urge and can’t wait.
2. FALL OUT OF LOVE: the arguments start, all the things you let him/her get away with irritates you now, (he leaves the toilet seat up, throws clothes all over the house, she becomes sloppy/doesn’t care too much about her upkeep, she starts to nag/complain, he smacks when he eats, her voice is irritating). I can go on. You get the point.
3. LEARN TO HATE: described as the peak of your relationship. “It can’t get any worse than this”. The affairs may start. Disrespectful behavior. You involve other people in your relationship, fighting constantly, disagreements, argue about the smallest things, you hate to go home with them, break up and make ups, on and off. This is where you decide if its going to be over.
4. LEARN TO LOVE: the forgiveness stage, where you decide if it’s worth working out, weighing out the good vs. bad. I believe this is the stage where you decided you love that person and the lust goes out the window. TIME TO WORK THINGS OUT.
What do you think? I found this exercise interesting…..LNP
Keys to a Healthy Relationship
We know how to identify a bad relationship. Even though some may not want to accept it, but we have an idea when our relationship is going downhill. Instead of always talking about bad relationships, I decided to inform my girls on how to create a healthy relationship. I created some key points of establishing a good relationship. A lot of my points come from experience as well as my need to ask older and wiser couples. I search through my blackberry list through all my contacts. I knew all of them could help me share their experiences with our youth. Whether they were business or personal, at this point their opinions mattered the most:
(Communication, Trust, Honesty, and Compromising were the MAIN replies)
These (4) most people consider are the most important.
Communication- hands down!! Everything you say has two meanings, which means it is questionable. Never assumed, just ask. Communication helps you avoid arguments.
*Include God in you relationship
*Treat your partner as an equal. Don’t believe the hype. Things should be 50/50.
*Understanding- open to hear each other sides. Most of the time you will interpret things differently.
*Trust is very important. You have to be able to trust your partner in good and bad times.
*Loyalty is a must. Be loyal and always respect your partner.
*Humor- It takes great sense of humor to survive any relationship. Laughing at the moment when you could cry and fuss is powerful.
*Dependability
*Compromising
*Honesty
*Be able to believe in that person
*Patience
*Compatibility- someone described compatibility as independence, which explains which mean meeting your partner halfway as far as needs and accomplishments.
*No matter how busy you are always make time for each other.
*Involve your partner is your life. Invite your partner out with your friends at times.
*Keep the relationship spicy. Try new things like vacations and new restaurants.
*Remember to learn to have fun together.
*Forgive- It IS okay to forgive but not forget if you don’t forgive the other person you will walk around with the burden. Bringing up old things from the past can cause strain.
*Friendship- a lot of people establish relationship but don’t truly know who the person really is. It is even worse when you establish a sexual relationship before a friendship.
*Consider your partner feelings; protect their feelings, mind and heart.
*Sex that pleases both parties involved.
*Sex that makes both partners comfortable.
*When Angry, try not to argue-you may regret it later. WORDS HURT.
*Do NOT go to BED MAD!!
*Be a firm believer in what u want- when you want something from your partner, be firm, no tears.
*Do not start name-calling or belittling
*It is better to talk to partner about your problems than someone else
*Hitting is always unacceptable
*Establish goals for your future
*Make sure finances are in order. Good credit is important.
REMEMBER:
Respect yourself. Love yourself. You cannot love someone else until you take care of that first.
Be responsible for your happiness. Don’t depend on your partner to make you happy. It may cause confusion.
Thank you all for your help. This information may help you or help someone else. I will later produce some of this valuable information on pamphlets and distribute to my youth. I love words of ENCOURAGEMENT. People like you make the world go round. :)
“AT YOUR BEST YOU ARE LOVED”
LNP
When it hits close to home......
Earlier today someone I knew personally was shot and killed by her boyfriend. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years, but that still does not change my feeling. I don't know what led up to the shooting, but there is no reason to justify why it happened. I am saddened about the loss and in disbelief of how someone so young, life could be taken away.
This is what I'm fighting for everyday. Just when I thought I should take a break.... The subject of domestic violence is silent, but it does come to light. I just hate for it to come in the form of death. I know this has affected several people I know. I just want everyone to get out of the mentality "it can't happen to me". It can. Regardless if it happens to you or not, it happened to someone you know. That should be enough. My heart goes out to the families and love ones affected by this tragedy...
LNP
This is what I'm fighting for everyday. Just when I thought I should take a break.... The subject of domestic violence is silent, but it does come to light. I just hate for it to come in the form of death. I know this has affected several people I know. I just want everyone to get out of the mentality "it can't happen to me". It can. Regardless if it happens to you or not, it happened to someone you know. That should be enough. My heart goes out to the families and love ones affected by this tragedy...
LNP
Love Is Not Drama: How to Spot Signs Of Domestic Violence
Checking your text messages and personal e-mail accounts. Forbidding you to attend family gatherings and girlfriend getaways. Are these regular occurrences in your home? If so, you might be in an abusive relationship. Domestic violence knows no color, income level or religion. And ladies, don't assume that all abuse is strictly physical. In fact, Dr. Oliver Williams, executive director of the Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community, says, "Many women say that the physical scars usually heal but the emotional scars are often much harder to recover from." Read on for more signs of domestic violence from Johnica Reed of My Sister's Place, a shelter for battered women and their children in Washington, D.C., and useful suggestions for getting the help you need.
10 Warning Signs That You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship
• You are afraid of your boyfriend or husband's temper.
• You are afraid to disagree with your partner.
• Your partner controls your finances.
• You are unable to go out, get a job, or go to school without his permission.
• You have to justify everything you do, every place you go, and every person you see to avoid his temper.•
You neglect friends or family because of your partner's jealousy.
• You have been wrongly and repeatedly accused of flirting or having sex with others.
• You have been frightened by your partner's violence towards others.
• You have been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you.
• Your partner often criticizes your clothes, friends and other personal choices.
According to Reed, there are three common phases of abuse.
The length of each stage varies depending on relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is typically present in all three stages and women often return to their partner during the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase becomes shorter as the cycle repeats itself and violent behavior increases.
"Many women think that if a partner shows attention, although it is negative attention, that an investment is being made in them," warns Dr. Williams. Ladies, heed the warning signs early and seek help as soon as possible. For assistance with an abuser in your home or the home of a loved one, contact your local domestic violence shelter, advises Dr. Williams. Ask them to help you develop a safety plan. Visit the sites below for more information.
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African-American Community, dvinstitute.org
My Sister's Place, mysistersplacedc.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline, ndvh.org or call (800)799-SAFE.
http://www.essence.com/relationships/men/articles/domestic_violence_spot_the_signs/
10 Warning Signs That You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship
• You are afraid of your boyfriend or husband's temper.
• You are afraid to disagree with your partner.
• Your partner controls your finances.
• You are unable to go out, get a job, or go to school without his permission.
• You have to justify everything you do, every place you go, and every person you see to avoid his temper.•
You neglect friends or family because of your partner's jealousy.
• You have been wrongly and repeatedly accused of flirting or having sex with others.
• You have been frightened by your partner's violence towards others.
• You have been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you.
• Your partner often criticizes your clothes, friends and other personal choices.
According to Reed, there are three common phases of abuse.
The length of each stage varies depending on relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is typically present in all three stages and women often return to their partner during the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase becomes shorter as the cycle repeats itself and violent behavior increases.
"Many women think that if a partner shows attention, although it is negative attention, that an investment is being made in them," warns Dr. Williams. Ladies, heed the warning signs early and seek help as soon as possible. For assistance with an abuser in your home or the home of a loved one, contact your local domestic violence shelter, advises Dr. Williams. Ask them to help you develop a safety plan. Visit the sites below for more information.
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African-American Community, dvinstitute.org
My Sister's Place, mysistersplacedc.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline, ndvh.org or call (800)799-SAFE.
http://www.essence.com/relationships/men/articles/domestic_violence_spot_the_signs/
The New Age of Texting
When you hear the term "sexting," you may think the harmless exchange of risqué text messages to your beau. However, today's younger generation has given a new definition to the name. Sexting has become a popular trend among middle and high school students who send promiscuous photos to one another via cell phones and PDAs. This in itself can be disturbing, but with sexting, it hardly ever stops there.
Unquestionably, sexting can reap consequences and a bruised reputation is only part of it. Teenagers around the country have been charged for the risky conduct. Depending on the cases, the repercussions can be serious: child pornography charges, felonies and last but not least registering as a sex offender. According to a survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in 2008, 39% of all teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages and 59% of all young adults were doing the same. Even more startling, last year an 18-year-old girl from Ohio committed suicide after her ex-boyfriend shared her photos with their high school friends.
The authorities can only do so much and they encourage strict enforcement of parental guidance. Besides having a talk about sex and setting ground rules, parents are urged to monitor the activity on their children's phones to help ensure they are using their device appropriately. Young adults who exchange explicit photos are especially likely to become sexually active with each other. As sexting cases continue to grow, parent-children interaction should do the same.
How would you react if you found out your son or daughter was sending sexually explicit photos/messages? What can parents do to ensure "sexting" is not happening in their homes?
http://www.essence.com/relationships/sexual_health/articles/the_new_age_of_sexting/
Unquestionably, sexting can reap consequences and a bruised reputation is only part of it. Teenagers around the country have been charged for the risky conduct. Depending on the cases, the repercussions can be serious: child pornography charges, felonies and last but not least registering as a sex offender. According to a survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in 2008, 39% of all teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages and 59% of all young adults were doing the same. Even more startling, last year an 18-year-old girl from Ohio committed suicide after her ex-boyfriend shared her photos with their high school friends.
The authorities can only do so much and they encourage strict enforcement of parental guidance. Besides having a talk about sex and setting ground rules, parents are urged to monitor the activity on their children's phones to help ensure they are using their device appropriately. Young adults who exchange explicit photos are especially likely to become sexually active with each other. As sexting cases continue to grow, parent-children interaction should do the same.
How would you react if you found out your son or daughter was sending sexually explicit photos/messages? What can parents do to ensure "sexting" is not happening in their homes?
http://www.essence.com/relationships/sexual_health/articles/the_new_age_of_sexting/
Sexual Health: More Risks for Black Women
The most common vaginal infection in women of childbearing age (also known as bacterial vaginosis) is associated with vitamin D deficiency based on recent study results, according to The New York Times. The disorder is treatable with antibiotics but it can lead to premature birth and is a major cause of infant mortality. The analysis, published in The Journal of Nutrition, examined 209 White and 260 Black pregnant women at a Pittsburgh clinic and found that more than half had inadequate vitamin D levels. About 52 percent of Black women had bacterial vaginosis, compared with 27 percent of White women, and Black women were almost three times as likely to be vitamin D deficient, probably because darker skin prevents adequate synthesis of the vitamin.—BB
Taken from:
http://www.essence.com/relationships/sexual_health/articles/sexual_health_more_risks_for_black_women/
Taken from:
http://www.essence.com/relationships/sexual_health/articles/sexual_health_more_risks_for_black_women/
How do I get out of an unhealthy or abusive relationship?
First, if you think that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you should talk to a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, teacher, coach or other trusted person about your relationship. Tell them why you think the relationship is unhealthy and exactly what the other person has done (hit, pressured you to have sex, tried to control you). You may want to look back at the list of "warning signs" to help you to explain the situation to an adult. If necessary, this trusted adult can help you contact your parents, counselors, school security, or even the police about the violence. With help, you can get out of an unhealthy relationship.
Sometimes, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous so it is very important for you to make a Safety Plan. Leaving the relationship will be a lot easier and safer if you have a plan. Here are some tips on making Your Safety Plan:
Tell a trusted adult like a parent, counselor, doctor, teacher or spiritual leader.
Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parents or guardians are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.
Go to your doctor or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.
Keep track of any violence. A diary is a good way to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person you are dating did, and exactly what effects it caused (bruises, for example). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order against the person.
Avoid contact with the person.
Spend time with your other friends and walk with them and not by yourself.
Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency like a police station or even a public place like a restaurant or mall.
Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. Use code words. You should decide on the code words ahead of time with your family so that they will know that your signal means that you can't talk easily and you need help.
Call 911 right away if you are ever afraid that the person is following you or is going to hurt you.
Keep domestic violence hot-line numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or program them into your cell phone.
http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/safety_in_relat.html
Sometimes, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous so it is very important for you to make a Safety Plan. Leaving the relationship will be a lot easier and safer if you have a plan. Here are some tips on making Your Safety Plan:
Tell a trusted adult like a parent, counselor, doctor, teacher or spiritual leader.
Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parents or guardians are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.
Go to your doctor or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.
Keep track of any violence. A diary is a good way to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person you are dating did, and exactly what effects it caused (bruises, for example). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order against the person.
Avoid contact with the person.
Spend time with your other friends and walk with them and not by yourself.
Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency like a police station or even a public place like a restaurant or mall.
Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. Use code words. You should decide on the code words ahead of time with your family so that they will know that your signal means that you can't talk easily and you need help.
Call 911 right away if you are ever afraid that the person is following you or is going to hurt you.
Keep domestic violence hot-line numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or program them into your cell phone.
http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/safety_in_relat.html
Commitment?
"I was cool with no commitment. No, wait it was you, so I was with it." - Destiny Child (Is she the Reason)
Does this song sound familiar? Are these the words that you live by? Are you okay with no commitment? I mean is it not the norm to “just kick it?” Some ladies just do not want a relationship, but then are they considered a lady? Especially when sex is involved. When we go out on a limb and yelled no commitment. What exactly are we committing ourselves to? STDs, AIDS, pregnancy, a broken heart, drama etc…. It’s okay to say what you really want because that is what you deserve. It might not come right now. It will come. After all, good things come to those who wait.
Don’t settle because you feel as if you need someone there. Concentrate on you. What do you want out of life? What are your goals? What can you do to make yourself a better person?
Is okay to have a relationship as long as it is a healthy one. However, if you are in relationship that is just based off of sex, then you are not in a healthy one. Before you lie down with someone make sure you know him or her well. There is no need to take your body through all those changes. Treat your body with respect. Get to know him or her. What are their goals? What’s his or her favorite color? Who is their favorite cousin? What’s makes him or her happy or what ticks them off? What’s his or her mother’s name? Get the picture. See, a relationship can be more than just sex. Trust me I am not schooling you because I am learning myself.
Talk to you later, I love you guys!! I do this because of you.
“The happiness that you are looking for is right in front you (the little things).”
–Rev Run.
Love is Love LNP
Does this song sound familiar? Are these the words that you live by? Are you okay with no commitment? I mean is it not the norm to “just kick it?” Some ladies just do not want a relationship, but then are they considered a lady? Especially when sex is involved. When we go out on a limb and yelled no commitment. What exactly are we committing ourselves to? STDs, AIDS, pregnancy, a broken heart, drama etc…. It’s okay to say what you really want because that is what you deserve. It might not come right now. It will come. After all, good things come to those who wait.
Don’t settle because you feel as if you need someone there. Concentrate on you. What do you want out of life? What are your goals? What can you do to make yourself a better person?
Is okay to have a relationship as long as it is a healthy one. However, if you are in relationship that is just based off of sex, then you are not in a healthy one. Before you lie down with someone make sure you know him or her well. There is no need to take your body through all those changes. Treat your body with respect. Get to know him or her. What are their goals? What’s his or her favorite color? Who is their favorite cousin? What’s makes him or her happy or what ticks them off? What’s his or her mother’s name? Get the picture. See, a relationship can be more than just sex. Trust me I am not schooling you because I am learning myself.
Talk to you later, I love you guys!! I do this because of you.
“The happiness that you are looking for is right in front you (the little things).”
–Rev Run.
Love is Love LNP
WHAT IS YOUR KNOWLEDGE ON TEEN DATING ABUSE???
Teen dating abuse is like domestic violence in adults in that it also is a pattern of abusive behavior used to control another person. Teen dating abuse can include emotional or mental abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.
Like adult domestic violence, teen relationship abuse affects all types of teens, regardless of their how much money their parents make, what their grades are, how they look or dress, their religion, or their race. Teen relationship abuse occurs in heterosexual, gay, and lesbian relationships.
Relationship abuse not only poses direct dangers for teens but also puts them at risk for other problems. Teens who experience violent relationship abuse are more likely to take sexual risks, do poorly in school, and use drugs and alcohol. Girls are at higher risk for pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and suicide attempts.17
Taken from:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/domestic-violence-teen-relationship-abuse
Like adult domestic violence, teen relationship abuse affects all types of teens, regardless of their how much money their parents make, what their grades are, how they look or dress, their religion, or their race. Teen relationship abuse occurs in heterosexual, gay, and lesbian relationships.
Relationship abuse not only poses direct dangers for teens but also puts them at risk for other problems. Teens who experience violent relationship abuse are more likely to take sexual risks, do poorly in school, and use drugs and alcohol. Girls are at higher risk for pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and suicide attempts.17
Taken from:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/domestic-violence-teen-relationship-abuse
Teen Dating Abuse by the NUMBERS
BY THE NUMBERS
Nearly one in 10 teens in serious relationships say they have been deliberately hit, slapped or shoved by a boy- or girlfriend.
One in three teen girls who are sexually active say they have been physically or sexually assaulted by their partners.
One in four teenage girls say they have been verbally or physically abused by their dates.
About 30 percent of all teens in serious relationships say they have received as many as 30 text messages per hour from partners demanding to know where they are, with whom and why.
Ten percent say they get text messages or e-mails from their boyfriends or girlfriends threatening physical abuse.
-- Sources: Family Violence Prevention Fund; Teenage Research Unlimited survey for Liz Claiborne Inc. 2007
RED FLAGS
Occasional arguments are one thing. But patterns of manipulation, emotional abuse and violence can quickly spiral from mental distress to physical harm. One red flag is a warning. Several mean you need help.
Key warnings signs are when your boyfriend or girlfriend:
Belittles you and makes you feel bad.
Tries to control where you go, what you wear or what you do
Exhibits signs of extreme jealousy or possessiveness
Frightens or intimidates you
Threatens harm if you decide to end the relationship
Isolates you from your friends and family
Has broken or thrown something at you in anger
Has ever hit, slapped, shoved or kicked you, or forced you to have sex
--Excerpted from LoveIsRespect.org
GET HELP
National Teen Dating Abuse 24/7 Helpline: 1-866-331-9474
Nearly one in 10 teens in serious relationships say they have been deliberately hit, slapped or shoved by a boy- or girlfriend.
One in three teen girls who are sexually active say they have been physically or sexually assaulted by their partners.
One in four teenage girls say they have been verbally or physically abused by their dates.
About 30 percent of all teens in serious relationships say they have received as many as 30 text messages per hour from partners demanding to know where they are, with whom and why.
Ten percent say they get text messages or e-mails from their boyfriends or girlfriends threatening physical abuse.
-- Sources: Family Violence Prevention Fund; Teenage Research Unlimited survey for Liz Claiborne Inc. 2007
RED FLAGS
Occasional arguments are one thing. But patterns of manipulation, emotional abuse and violence can quickly spiral from mental distress to physical harm. One red flag is a warning. Several mean you need help.
Key warnings signs are when your boyfriend or girlfriend:
Belittles you and makes you feel bad.
Tries to control where you go, what you wear or what you do
Exhibits signs of extreme jealousy or possessiveness
Frightens or intimidates you
Threatens harm if you decide to end the relationship
Isolates you from your friends and family
Has broken or thrown something at you in anger
Has ever hit, slapped, shoved or kicked you, or forced you to have sex
--Excerpted from LoveIsRespect.org
GET HELP
National Teen Dating Abuse 24/7 Helpline: 1-866-331-9474