In a sense, a substance abuser is the same as a domestic violence victim. No matter how much you struggle to make them understand that their situation is harming them, they have to let go when they are ready. Just like drugs, "harmful love" can damage your body. It makes you risk everything. You start to justify the actions behind the behavior. It clouds your vision and you are unable to see that problems exist. It keeps you separate from your family and friends. When it seems like people pull in close to help the more your run farther away. So what do family and friends do? Sit by the phone to wait for "that call"? Since we are comparing drugs to abuse then wouldn't we use the same remedy to escape from abuse as we would from drugs?The best thing to do to stop using drugs is to get away from the drug or to distant yourself from activities that influence the drug use. To successfully complete your stages of withdrawal you will need to have ongoing support from family, friends and the community.
The first step is to realize that a problem exists:
Some people do not know what abuse is. If he or she feels the situation is normal how do one know to get out? Explain to them what abuse is. Remember: abuse can be VERBAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL and FINANCIAL.
So, what can you do to help your friend and/or family member to understand that is an abusive situation?
LISTEN: be there for them at all times. When he/she is ready to talk, you will be the first person he/she calls.
PLEASE DON'T JUDGE: The more you state that you dislike his/her partner then he or she will feel you don't have his/her best interest. However, take caution. Know what behavior to report and seek further help. Your friend may be upset but he/she will live to get over it.
SPEND TIME WITH HIM/HER AT MUCH AS POSSIBLE: Most abusers isolate their victims. Keep his/her mind free and able to spend less time with the perpetrator. The attacks happen usually behind close doors and usually in their home. Keep him/her busy and out of the house.
HELP HIM/HER CREATE A SAFETY PLAN: Love isn't the only reason why he/she may be there. Financial reasons may be why he/she stays. There is fear of failure especially for married couples or for couples with children. He/she needs a plan to figure out where the income will come from and/or where to escape if a severe attack happens. To help a friend build a safety plan, visit this site and scrolled down to the bottom of the page http://www.abanet.org/tips/dvsafety.html
GIVE HIM/HER A NATIONAL HOTLINE NUMBER: just in case she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you. Some victims are afraid to be judged and sometimes family and/or friends tend to gossip when they get frustrates about a love one's situation.
To find out about help in your area, call:National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
TAKE CAUTION: Know what behavior to report and seek further help. Your friend may be upset but he/she will live to get over it.
DO NOT PUT YOURSELF AT HARM: If you get a call, never go alone. Domestic situations are even risky for Law Enforcement. If you are on your way, call the police to meet you.
Do not be ignorant and/or shallow. You might think the behavior he or she is putting up with is stupid. Of course it is, but we all do stupid things and at the end we all need support.
LNP
Showing posts with label Domestic Violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Domestic Violence. Show all posts
11 signs of Emotional Abuse
1. Constant phone calls, text-messages, e-mails, IMs, etc. to check up on you (harrassment)
2. Extreme jealousy when you talk to or spend time with other people
3. Name-calling or putting you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
4. Behavior that you have to apologize or make excuses for.
5. Statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself."
6. You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship.
7. You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
8. You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
9. You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
10.You lie about the bruises or cuts you have.
11.You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.
Read more at Suite101: 4 Different Types of Abuse: How to Recognize Abusive Relationships
http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/recognizing_four_types_of_abuse
Know the signs, learn them and learn to love yourself. It is not worth it.
LNP
2. Extreme jealousy when you talk to or spend time with other people
3. Name-calling or putting you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
4. Behavior that you have to apologize or make excuses for.
5. Statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself."
6. You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship.
7. You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
8. You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
9. You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
10.You lie about the bruises or cuts you have.
11.You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.
Read more at Suite101: 4 Different Types of Abuse: How to Recognize Abusive Relationships
http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/recognizing_four_types_of_abuse
Know the signs, learn them and learn to love yourself. It is not worth it.
LNP
President Obama declares October national domestic violence month - Essence.com
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 2009, as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I ask all Americans to do their part to end domestic violence in this country by supporting their communities' efforts to assist victims in finding the help and healing they need.--President Barack Obama
DV Events: October 25, 2009
6th Annual De-Feet Domestic Violence 5K Race/Walk
Join Samaritan House on Sunday, October 25, 2009 as we hold
our annual walk/run in honor of
Domestic Violence Awareness month.
Get ready runners, we have added a 5k run as part of the event!
A one mile Fun Run for children ages 5-12 will also take place after the walk/run is complete.
Interested in becoming a sponsor?
To register on-line, please visit www.Active.com
17th St. at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront
All proceeds to benefit Samaritan House
For more information, please call Melissa (757) 631-0710.
Special THANKS to sponsors for the event
http://www.samaritanhouseva.org/events.html
Join Samaritan House on Sunday, October 25, 2009 as we hold
our annual walk/run in honor of
Domestic Violence Awareness month.
Get ready runners, we have added a 5k run as part of the event!
A one mile Fun Run for children ages 5-12 will also take place after the walk/run is complete.
Interested in becoming a sponsor?
To register on-line, please visit www.Active.com
17th St. at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront
All proceeds to benefit Samaritan House
For more information, please call Melissa (757) 631-0710.
Special THANKS to sponsors for the event
http://www.samaritanhouseva.org/events.html
DV Events: November 19-20, 2009
Virginia’s 5th Indigenous Women’s Conference and Retreat - “Healing the Hurts”
November 19-20 , 2009 Great Wolf Lodge Williamsburg, Virginia
Please see attached flyer for more information, or contact Melissa Roberson at mdickert@oag.state.va.us, or (804) 692-0592.
http://www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html
November 19-20 , 2009 Great Wolf Lodge Williamsburg, Virginia
Please see attached flyer for more information, or contact Melissa Roberson at mdickert@oag.state.va.us, or (804) 692-0592.
http://www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html
DV Events: October 15, 2009
October 15, 2009
Lecture #4: Technology: A Threat and Safety Net for Victims of Domestic Violence and Stalking
Technology can both help and harm victims of domestic violence and stalking. This session will provide an overview of Virginia’s technology laws and how these laws can afford protection to victims. Presenters will also discuss how technology can be used as an instrument of harm and how victims can take affirmative steps to protect themselves in this technology-driven society.
With Featured Speakers:
George McLaughlin, Investigator, Computer Crimes Section, Office of the Attorney General
Stacy Ruble, Domestic Violence Advocacy Coordinator/Grants Manager, Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance
Detective Bernard “Mac” Adams, Richmond Police Department
Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:00 a.m. – 12:00 noon Office of the Attorney General Auditorium 900 E. Main Street Richmond, VA 23219 Click here to view flyer for more information
www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html
Lecture #4: Technology: A Threat and Safety Net for Victims of Domestic Violence and Stalking
Technology can both help and harm victims of domestic violence and stalking. This session will provide an overview of Virginia’s technology laws and how these laws can afford protection to victims. Presenters will also discuss how technology can be used as an instrument of harm and how victims can take affirmative steps to protect themselves in this technology-driven society.
With Featured Speakers:
George McLaughlin, Investigator, Computer Crimes Section, Office of the Attorney General
Stacy Ruble, Domestic Violence Advocacy Coordinator/Grants Manager, Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance
Detective Bernard “Mac” Adams, Richmond Police Department
Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:00 a.m. – 12:00 noon Office of the Attorney General Auditorium 900 E. Main Street Richmond, VA 23219 Click here to view flyer for more information
www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html
Virginia: Domestic Violence
Every year in Virginia, thousands of individuals and families are touched by violence in their own homes. In 2007 alone, 38,798 calls were made to the statewide domestic and sexual violence hotline, and more than 6,500 adults and children received emergency and temporary shelter services from local domestic violence shelter programs. (Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance, 2007.) In addition, roughly one in three homicides are related to family and intimate partner violence. (Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, 2008.)
http://www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html
http://www.oag.state.va.us/KEY_ISSUES/DOMESTIC_VIOLENCE/DV_Training_and_Events.html
Governor Kaine Highlights October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Governor Kaine Highlights October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month– Agencies in Virginia responded to nearly 50,000 crises in 2007 –
RICHMOND – Governor Kaine today proclaimed October to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the Commonwealth. Domestic Violence agencies in Virginia responded to nearly 50,000 crises in 2007, averaging more than 100 each day, pointing to the need for greater public awareness of support services for victims and the importance of efforts to reduce incidents of sexual and domestic violence throughout the Commonwealth.
"There is a critical need to increase public awareness about the psychological, physical and economic costs of domestic violence and to increase support for victims and prevention programs." Governor Kaine said. "That's why I pushed for reforms in the law and additional support for victims during the 2008 legislative session. I urge all citizens of the Commonwealth to support domestic violence survivors and their families, to promote programs and organizations that serve them and to participate in community efforts to prevent violence in the home."
During the 2008 Legislative Session of the Virginia General Assembly, lawmakers at the urging of Governor Kaine passed laws that ensured reimbursement for healthcare providers performing physical evidence recovery kits (PERK), banned the use of polygraph tests on victims of sexual violence, required faster reporting of protective orders, and repealed the law that allowed a man to marry a child (14 years of age or older) in order to avoid prosecution for rape of the child.
According to the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (Action Alliance), more than 6,000 adults and children were housed in shelters this past year due to sexual and domestic violence incidents. Another 1,800 families were not able to be immediately accommodated in shelters due to a lack of space and were helped by emergency safety arrangements.
Local programs provide a broad range of assistance to those who are affected by domestic violence, including counseling, access to medical and mental health services, education, housing and financial and legal support.
Virginia's Secretary for Health and Human Resources, Marilyn Tavenner, noted that the state's Department of Health works in collaboration with Action Alliance on a wide range of prevention programs, on initiatives to teach children and adults about healthy relationships, and on efforts to highlight the community-wide implications of sexual and domestic violence.
"It is important for people at risk to not hesitate to call the Family Violence and Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-838-8238 (v/tty), for referral to a program in their area," Secretary Tavenner said.
http://www.governor.virginia.gov/MediaRelations/NewsReleases/viewRelease.cfm?id=790
RICHMOND – Governor Kaine today proclaimed October to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the Commonwealth. Domestic Violence agencies in Virginia responded to nearly 50,000 crises in 2007, averaging more than 100 each day, pointing to the need for greater public awareness of support services for victims and the importance of efforts to reduce incidents of sexual and domestic violence throughout the Commonwealth.
"There is a critical need to increase public awareness about the psychological, physical and economic costs of domestic violence and to increase support for victims and prevention programs." Governor Kaine said. "That's why I pushed for reforms in the law and additional support for victims during the 2008 legislative session. I urge all citizens of the Commonwealth to support domestic violence survivors and their families, to promote programs and organizations that serve them and to participate in community efforts to prevent violence in the home."
During the 2008 Legislative Session of the Virginia General Assembly, lawmakers at the urging of Governor Kaine passed laws that ensured reimbursement for healthcare providers performing physical evidence recovery kits (PERK), banned the use of polygraph tests on victims of sexual violence, required faster reporting of protective orders, and repealed the law that allowed a man to marry a child (14 years of age or older) in order to avoid prosecution for rape of the child.
According to the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (Action Alliance), more than 6,000 adults and children were housed in shelters this past year due to sexual and domestic violence incidents. Another 1,800 families were not able to be immediately accommodated in shelters due to a lack of space and were helped by emergency safety arrangements.
Local programs provide a broad range of assistance to those who are affected by domestic violence, including counseling, access to medical and mental health services, education, housing and financial and legal support.
Virginia's Secretary for Health and Human Resources, Marilyn Tavenner, noted that the state's Department of Health works in collaboration with Action Alliance on a wide range of prevention programs, on initiatives to teach children and adults about healthy relationships, and on efforts to highlight the community-wide implications of sexual and domestic violence.
"It is important for people at risk to not hesitate to call the Family Violence and Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-838-8238 (v/tty), for referral to a program in their area," Secretary Tavenner said.
http://www.governor.virginia.gov/MediaRelations/NewsReleases/viewRelease.cfm?id=790
Light Up DVAM with Purple Night Lights™
H.E.R. Shelter in Portsmouth, VA, is bringing Purple Night Lights™ to the Hampton Roads Area. To participate in Purple Night Lights™, residents are encouraged to purchase a purple light bulb and display it on their porch or in their window throughout Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Organizer Sandra Becker from the H.E.R. Shelter says the porch and window light bulbs are available in two sizes and for just a few dollars. The goal is to bring awareness and support to victims and survivors of domestic violence and to send a strong message that “Domestic Violence Has No Place in Our Community.” Purple Night Lights™ was launched in King County, Washington in October 2007 by the Covington Domestic Violence Task Force. In the years since, more than 14 other states have participated. Becker says she is, “hoping Purple Night Lights™ will catch on throughout Virginia next year.” To get more information about holding a Purple Night Lights™ event, email Becker.
http://www.endabuse.org/content/features/detail/1363/
http://www.endabuse.org/content/features/detail/1363/
Newport News police ID man, wife in apparent murder-suicide
By Patrick WilsonThe Virginian-Pilot© June 29, 2009
NEWPORT NEWS
Police have identified a man and his wife, whose deaths they said are believed to be the result of a murder-suicide.
Investigators believe Scott Morrison, 31, shot and killed his estranged wife, Angela, 30, Sunday at the front door of a home in the 700 block of Frigate Drive, according to Harold Eley, police spokesman.
The gunfire was reported to police about 5:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Frigate Drive, Eley said.
The Morrisons had separated, "and according to reports, the man shot the woman and then shot himself,” Eley said.
The Morrison's two children, ages 8 and 5, were playing in the backyard during the shootings, Eley said. They had been spending the weekend with their father.
http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/newport-news-police-id-man-wife-apparent-murdersuicide
NEWPORT NEWS
Police have identified a man and his wife, whose deaths they said are believed to be the result of a murder-suicide.
Investigators believe Scott Morrison, 31, shot and killed his estranged wife, Angela, 30, Sunday at the front door of a home in the 700 block of Frigate Drive, according to Harold Eley, police spokesman.
The gunfire was reported to police about 5:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Frigate Drive, Eley said.
The Morrisons had separated, "and according to reports, the man shot the woman and then shot himself,” Eley said.
The Morrison's two children, ages 8 and 5, were playing in the backyard during the shootings, Eley said. They had been spending the weekend with their father.
http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/newport-news-police-id-man-wife-apparent-murdersuicide
Men are affected by domestic violence too.......
By Shawn DayThe Virginian-Pilot© June 29, 2009
VIRGINIA BEACH
A 25-year-old man who was stabbed last week has died, police said today.
Dennis Johnson, of Virginia Beach, died Saturday night at a hospital, police spokesman Jimmy Barnes said.
Police arrested Johnson’s girlfriend, Syrayra D. Wynn, and charged her with first-degree murder. She was being held without bond at the city jail.
A police officer was flagged down late Wednesday by a person on Sassafras Court, in the city's Thalia section, and told that Johnson had been stabbed, police said.
Investigators determined that Johnson and Wynn had been arguing and that Wynn had stabbed him in the chest, police said. According to court records, Wynn confessed to police.
Wynn initially was charged with aggravated malicious wounding. A judge set her bail at $5,000 on Friday, despite prosecutors’ protests.
http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/victim-beach-stabbing-dies-girlfriend-charged-murder
VIRGINIA BEACH
A 25-year-old man who was stabbed last week has died, police said today.
Dennis Johnson, of Virginia Beach, died Saturday night at a hospital, police spokesman Jimmy Barnes said.
Police arrested Johnson’s girlfriend, Syrayra D. Wynn, and charged her with first-degree murder. She was being held without bond at the city jail.
A police officer was flagged down late Wednesday by a person on Sassafras Court, in the city's Thalia section, and told that Johnson had been stabbed, police said.
Investigators determined that Johnson and Wynn had been arguing and that Wynn had stabbed him in the chest, police said. According to court records, Wynn confessed to police.
Wynn initially was charged with aggravated malicious wounding. A judge set her bail at $5,000 on Friday, despite prosecutors’ protests.
http://hamptonroads.com/2009/06/victim-beach-stabbing-dies-girlfriend-charged-murder
Keep these numbers in your wallet!!!
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474
The Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-HIT-HOME (448-4663)
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Keep numbers like these in your wallet! Just in case... Or program them in your phone under Aunt Wanda.....
Written by the Center for Young Women's Health Staff
The Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-HIT-HOME (448-4663)
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Keep numbers like these in your wallet! Just in case... Or program them in your phone under Aunt Wanda.....
Written by the Center for Young Women's Health Staff
How do I get out of an unhealthy or abusive relationship?
First, if you think that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you should talk to a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, teacher, coach or other trusted person about your relationship. Tell them why you think the relationship is unhealthy and exactly what the other person has done (hit, pressured you to have sex, tried to control you). You may want to look back at the list of "warning signs" to help you to explain the situation to an adult. If necessary, this trusted adult can help you contact your parents, counselors, school security, or even the police about the violence. With help, you can get out of an unhealthy relationship.
Sometimes, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous so it is very important for you to make a Safety Plan. Leaving the relationship will be a lot easier and safer if you have a plan. Here are some tips on making Your Safety Plan:
Tell a trusted adult like a parent, counselor, doctor, teacher or spiritual leader.
Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parents or guardians are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.
Go to your doctor or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.
Keep track of any violence. A diary is a good way to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person you are dating did, and exactly what effects it caused (bruises, for example). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order against the person.
Avoid contact with the person.
Spend time with your other friends and walk with them and not by yourself.
Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency like a police station or even a public place like a restaurant or mall.
Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. Use code words. You should decide on the code words ahead of time with your family so that they will know that your signal means that you can't talk easily and you need help.
Call 911 right away if you are ever afraid that the person is following you or is going to hurt you.
Keep domestic violence hot-line numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or program them into your cell phone.
http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/safety_in_relat.html
Sometimes, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous so it is very important for you to make a Safety Plan. Leaving the relationship will be a lot easier and safer if you have a plan. Here are some tips on making Your Safety Plan:
Tell a trusted adult like a parent, counselor, doctor, teacher or spiritual leader.
Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parents or guardians are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.
Go to your doctor or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.
Keep track of any violence. A diary is a good way to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person you are dating did, and exactly what effects it caused (bruises, for example). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order against the person.
Avoid contact with the person.
Spend time with your other friends and walk with them and not by yourself.
Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency like a police station or even a public place like a restaurant or mall.
Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. Use code words. You should decide on the code words ahead of time with your family so that they will know that your signal means that you can't talk easily and you need help.
Call 911 right away if you are ever afraid that the person is following you or is going to hurt you.
Keep domestic violence hot-line numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or program them into your cell phone.
http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/safety_in_relat.html
Signs of an abusive relationship
There are many signs that you could be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Take a look at this list of "warning signs" and see if these statements describe your relationship:
Your friend or the person you are going out with:
is jealous or possessive of you—he or she gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex
bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do
tells you what to wear, who to talk to, where you can go
is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot
pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don't want to do
uses drugs and alcohol and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing
swears at you or uses mean language
blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you
insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people
has physically hurt you
makes you feel scared of their reactions to things
calls to check up on you all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with
Your friend or the person you are going out with:
is jealous or possessive of you—he or she gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex
bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do
tells you what to wear, who to talk to, where you can go
is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot
pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don't want to do
uses drugs and alcohol and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing
swears at you or uses mean language
blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you
insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people
has physically hurt you
makes you feel scared of their reactions to things
calls to check up on you all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with