When love becomes a drug

In a sense, a substance abuser is the same as a domestic violence victim. No matter how much you struggle to make them understand that their situation is harming them, they have to let go when they are ready. Just like drugs, "harmful love" can damage your body. It makes you risk everything. You start to justify the actions behind the behavior. It clouds your vision and you are unable to see that problems exist. It keeps you separate from your family and friends. When it seems like people pull in close to help the more your run farther away. So what do family and friends do? Sit by the phone to wait for "that call"? Since we are comparing drugs to abuse then wouldn't we use the same remedy to escape from abuse as we would from drugs?The best thing to do to stop using drugs is to get away from the drug or to distant yourself from activities that influence the drug use. To successfully complete your stages of withdrawal you will need to have ongoing support from family, friends and the community.

The first step is to realize that a problem exists:

Some people do not know what abuse is. If he or she feels the situation is normal how do one know to get out? Explain to them what abuse is. Remember: abuse can be VERBAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL and FINANCIAL.

So, what can you do to help your friend and/or family member to understand that is an abusive situation?

LISTEN: be there for them at all times. When he/she is ready to talk, you will be the first person he/she calls.
PLEASE DON'T JUDGE: The more you state that you dislike his/her partner then he or she will feel you don't have his/her best interest. However, take caution. Know what behavior to report and seek further help. Your friend may be upset but he/she will live to get over it.
SPEND TIME WITH HIM/HER AT MUCH AS POSSIBLE: Most abusers isolate their victims. Keep his/her mind free and able to spend less time with the perpetrator. The attacks happen usually behind close doors and usually in their home. Keep him/her busy and out of the house.
HELP HIM/HER CREATE A SAFETY PLAN: Love isn't the only reason why he/she may be there. Financial reasons may be why he/she stays. There is fear of failure especially for married couples or for couples with children. He/she needs a plan to figure out where the income will come from and/or where to escape if a severe attack happens. To help a friend build a safety plan, visit this site and scrolled down to the bottom of the page http://www.abanet.org/tips/dvsafety.html

GIVE HIM/HER A NATIONAL HOTLINE NUMBER: just in case she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you. Some victims are afraid to be judged and sometimes family and/or friends tend to gossip when they get frustrates about a love one's situation.
To find out about help in your area, call:National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
TAKE CAUTION: Know what behavior to report and seek further help. Your friend may be upset but he/she will live to get over it.
DO NOT PUT YOURSELF AT HARM: If you get a call, never go alone. Domestic situations are even risky for Law Enforcement. If you are on your way, call the police to meet you.

Do not be ignorant and/or shallow. You might think the behavior he or she is putting up with is stupid. Of course it is, but we all do stupid things and at the end we all need support.

LNP